What happened next was a whirlwind last ditch effort to go on the trip.
Sunday afternoon I flew to New York City. I was standing outside of a visa expeditors office in Manhattan at 8:30 on Monday morning and had my passport and visa application headed to the consulate office of the country that I was trying to get into. After discussing with the expeditors how long it would take to get my visa, I changed my airline tickets so that I would be flying to the country on Wednesday morning. Monday night I got a call from the expeditors that told me that my visa had been denied. They said (and I'm not sure if I believe this, but it is what it is) that it was denied because the consulate had determined that I did work at a church. I flew back home on Tuesday.
What happened? Why didn't I go on this trip? Now, I know that I have just recounted to you the facts of the situation, but I don' believe that they tell the whole story. I want to share with you, sincerely from my heart, what I believe happened. My thinking on this has been shaped by an experience that the Apostle Paul had after he first met Timothy. This is recorded in Acts 16. It is verses 6 and 7 that have captivated my thoughts over the past week. The Word of God says,
"And they went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia. And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them."
Forbidden by the Holy Spirit. Why? Because they were about to commit egregious sin? No. Because the Holy Spirit was against what they wanted to do? No. The answer to that question of why is just this: we do not know why. Remember, though, what has happened before Acts 16. The Lord Jesus Himself has commissioned His followers to go into all the nations and make disciples of all men. He has also said that His followers would be His witnesses into all the world. A burden has been placed on the heart of Paul to preach the Gospel to the Gentile world. So, Paul heads to Asia with all of those truths fully confirmed in his heart. But, the Holy Spirit forbid him to speak the Word in Asia. Then the Spirit did not allow him to go into Bithynia. What's going on?
Now, we have the luxury of being able to read what happens next in Paul's life and see where the direction the Lord was leading him. Paul didn't have that luxury however. I imagine that after verse 7, he was feeling a bit discouraged and perplexed. Last Monday night I felt the same way. I wondered what God was doing. Riding the subway from Times Square to my hotel that Monday night I asked the Lord, "Lord, am I not doing what you called me to do? Am I not taking the Gospel to the nations? Am I not striving to make disciples of all nations?" The Lord's reply to me was simple and profound. "Jacob, are you for My will or aren't you?"
I am for His will. Above all else I want to see and be submitted to the will of God. Sometimes, a lot of the times in fact, the will of God will cause a shut down of my plans for me. Even when those plans are good and godly. A lot of times His will leads me to a very uncomfortable place, where all that I have is Him. The very thought of that makes me want to cry, honestly. In my heart of hearts that is what I want, but my flesh abhors that thought. My flesh takes great comfort in all of the stuff that I hang onto: familiarity, comfort, ambition, ease and pleasure. When those get taken away and all that I have to hang onto is Christ alone, I get scared. My flesh lies to me and tells me that I need more. Jesus lovingly assures me that is not true.
So many scriptures have comforted my heart and mind in Christ Jesus this week. 2 Cor. 5:7, "for we walk by faith and not by sight." Romans 8:28, "For we know that God works all things out for the good of those who love Him and called according to His purposes." Proverbs 3:5-6,
"Trust in the Lord will all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 16:9, "The heart of man plans his way,but the LORD establishes his steps."
So, why did the Holy Spirit not permit me to speak the word in Asia? I'm not sure except that was His will for me. I do have one thought though. I mentioned earlier that my pastor and I were going on this trip together. Pastor Jason has only been on one international mission trip and that was 8 years ago in Haiti. This will be the longest that he has been away from his wife and 5 children. This will be the farthest from home that he has ever been. He has been in a culture that is very much unlike his own. And He believes that the Lord has lead him every step of the way. I have already said this to him and I really believe this: Me not going on this trip is more about him than it is about me. In the past year Pastor Jason has been leading our fellowship at FBC Athens to be much more missional than we have ever been before. I believe that the Lord is going to use him in an even greater capacity concerning our church's involvement in missions in the years to come. I really believe that the Lord wanted Pastor Jason to have his own experience in Asia. Without me. And I am thrilled about that! I believe that the Lord knew that Jason would need to have his own experience planting and watering, making disciples on the mission field in order to serve as a launching pad for his own passion. A passion born out of his own experience. I praise the Lord that the Holy Spirit burdened my pastor's heart to go to Asia and then filled him with His Spirit that enabled him to go. I would be forbidden a thousand times over if it meant that God would empower and burden Jason for the nations.
So, in closing (and I know that this has been a long one) I don't really have a pretty little formula for having figured all of this out. I am just trusting the Lord day by day. I encourage you to do the same. Trust Him in the yes and trust Him in the no.
